i refuse!

i've been thinking for quite some time to actually write a blog post in bahasa, since it gives me more freedom to express myself clearly and fluently.

i might do that some other time. soon perhaps.

time has definitely passed so quick yet again and i know right that i have been neglecting this blog lately. one particular reason because i was just being lazy sometimes to open the web here. terrible internet connection and such. and maybe because i really had no story to tell. or even if there is/are, i had no idea what to share.

i have been on these crossroads of life for quite some time. in a struggle to find what my passion is and what i want to do in the future. separating ideal, dream, and reality.

one question troubled me a lot lately: "what major are you going to take?"

most of the time, i answered: "well, currently i'm taking science study course, but still indecisive of what to take later, between A or B" (which i know, does not answer the question).

to be honest, i have no answer.  a shrug will actually do, but i know that is not actually an acceptable answer in most cases.

so yeah. i do not know. i still have no idea, up till now.

for some people it is actually an easy process. either they make their own choice based on passion or popularity or what such, they have high (enough) confidence in their decision. some might have their parents involved in the process, directed in such way that they don't have to take on the responsibility of deciding themselves.

as for me i have been giving it quite some thought. i want to follow my passion but i am not, well, quite sure what my passion is. for me this is a very serious matter because i do not want to waste my time and my parents' money doing major that i will regret doing in the future. i do not wish to make such mistake. i want to be really careful on making this decision but i am now running out of time.

i do not want to do a major, get a job, live a life, just for the sake of living.

and another key problem is that i am not sure if i want to live permanently in australia.

my head now is full of ideal. i need to make a room for some reality. but for how much, so for at the same time i will still be able to keep my ideal alive? i know that each of us has our own fate. but i do not wish to be so submissive that i let go all my dream and submit fully to reality.

'let His will be done', does not mean that we should stop dreaming.

i'm really sorry that this turns out to be such a depressive post. but i feel like pouring my thoughts out, because keeping things yourself can be a tough business.



NOTE: and yeah, i have just actually realized that this particular video receives much negative comments mostly due to her expression during the whole song (in comparison to natasha bedingfield, and i don't suppose this is fair since she is a well-known singer, this fact alone makes judging one-sided). quality apart, it was just great that to see them together.