all i am

one can never know how much one can achieve before one is put under pressure.

and that's probably the case for me. my first three weeks here since i went back had been absolutely hectic yet fascinating. i modestly said that i found myself in some kind of trouble lately, but managed to survive and sound.

firstly i have to say that uni life hasn't been that kind. i was overwhelmed by the amount of new information they have given in the first two weeks and my brain hasn't quite reverted back to 'study mode'. it's not that i've been struggling that much, it's just that i wasn't quite confident if i could keep up with the material. but then again i might have worried too much, i hope. i've been vigorously (not really perhaps) trying to study at least for two hours or more every day. it worked out okay, it hasn't fully given me the confidence, but i am at least now, slightly more composed. but then also it might have been because of another reason.

i grow closer to Him again lately, thanks to, well, Him. probably because I had stayed outside too long and needed a comfort, but I don't think that's the case. maybe because i have a question this world cannot answer, maybe because i grew tired and restless, maybe because He's an old friend... who knows. for whatever reason it is, He brought me back, by His grace if you want to put it that way. i made a personal promise, and i'll keep it for me to move on strong.

i have suggested before that i was under certain pressure lately, and yes, quite a lot maybe. asides from the study, i still have to look for a part-time job. it was indeed quite an experience because i also need to learn to accept rejection and put the effort to visit places to places to drop my resume. i was born timid, so for me to actually did that, i was quite amazed. being hopeful, i believe that i might get one soon.

and to be a part of a committee was not an easy job. i have to say that the one i joined, was not the most organized one i know, even though i have never really been to one before (wait i have actually, once). at first it very much lacked the direction and good coordination. i would not say that they haven't done any job, but the plan they made was not that established at all. blur, vague concept of what we were actually going to do, i did not think that it wasn't going to be all smooth journey. i pushed myself though, considering that to quit was not an option.

indeed the process was rough and we almost broke up as a group, but soon we managed to compromise and set a fixed idea of what we are going to do and plan. i won't explain them in great details here of what had happened, but long story short, it was... vexing, but i believe the experience worth it all.

i have chosen as well to join fasting starting this week up till 17th of august. the purpose is to mainly pray for indonesia and i feel like i want to do that. simply because my memories still cling to my home country and my parents are still there and i love the people somehow. i never expected that it is actually this HARD; not allowed to eat and drink for around 12 hours. i make up my own time, of course, but i hope it's all the sincerity that counts.

anyway that is quite a long post, and i supposed i have to sleep now for an early breakfast later.

i'll see you when i have more update, for now, cheers.