psst, it's only you and I

i haven't checked this blog for so long, almost a month, and i admit i'm not that productive when it comes to writing

to begin with, i'm back here in melbourne. finally. with a mixed feeling. sad, because i left my hometown after doing almost nothing there other than eating and slacking off. all tensed, since i come here with a new resolution which i had turned into a promise that i made to myself. and perhaps delighted later when i meet my friends and go crazy together.

the travel here was not freaking enjoyable. not at all, no, you wouldn't enjoy the slightest bit of the journey. i felt empty (LOL, this sounds corny) when i arrived at juanda airport. realizing that time passed so quick and i had to left surabaya once more. feeling sucks? yes, like a lot. i had been a total loser and probably let down the time i was there. i had been thinking that i was all grown up already and independent and... a lot of things really.

i felt as if i hadn't spent enough quality time with them, and hadn't done so the things i should do. it was like.. i denied them in a way that now i had my own life and they were not a part of it. of course, the big truth was that i had been running away. trying to avoid and getting attached to them, hoping that i would grow mature this way. allan you're really dumb, you know that.

i would like to sincerely apologize for that and i realized my mistake.

an act of repentance, if not an apology, is that i will seek a part time job this semester. at least to ease their financial burden a bit. mcd and kfc now seem to be the most tempting choices for me, unexperienced worker. with 12 bucks an hour, 10 hours per week, i can grab about 480 per month and that's more than a half of my normal allowance. i am planning to save at least 100 or more each month and buy the ticket home with my own money.

yes, i'm planning to go back on december, haven't i told you about that?

although still i need to discuss this with my parents and apply as soon as possible. hopefully things will work out just fine.


what's next...

oh, and i'm also losing track of my career pathway. still not sure which major i should take that leads me to which job i should do and enjoy and gives me money. my friend said that the prospect for environmental science is actually still quite good, but i need to be even more convinced, as i will make an appointment with an advisor tomorrow. i love helping people with their life. making people happy makes me happy as well (this is the best way i can put it). i wanted to be a psychologist but was never sure with the job prospect, so i gave that dream up. being an environmental scientist... i still haven't given up the dream to become a 'psychologist'. if i put it in such perspective, i want to help society to achieve a healthier, greener life. i don't know however if i can do it so by taking this major, or whether i should take a totally different major to live up that dream.

it might sound that i am too much of an idealist, no?

i am, however, i am, still considering the job prospect. about how easy i can get a job and how many i do get paid and stuff.

that's why i'm a bit lost. since i am not well... interested in engineering and business. and being a chemist or a mathematician just does not seem suit my style.

and perhaps one more thing.

it has been five years since she won the singing contest show and i have just noticed that she has an awesome, if not great voice. it might have been just me, but heck, I'm just sayinnnn~

#blush

oh well, that's one long post. hopefully i can write later on just before the uni life starts to keep up with my life progress.

for now, ciao.